You, my tiny one, only want to know what you cannot have. I see your intelligence blossom, I see you struggle to glean every ounce of knowledge you can, and when I say “No, this is not safe for you.” your whole world turns upside down because you cannot attain the knowledge you so crave. I get it. I really, Really, REALLY get it.
I see a piece of me in you every time you lay on the floor, kicking the ground in frustration because I will not let you tumble down the stairs. I understand your anger at me for not letting you eat trash. I can empathize with your confusion as to why I will never let you run in to the street. While I understand your tenacious spirit, it still drains every particle of energy inside me as your boisterous pursuits send my jittery heart boiling over with sheer dread and as my defective body strains to simply keep up with you. You cannot yet comprehend the devastation and heartache that will accompany what you see as simply pursuing knowledge, but I do. I get it. I really, Really, REALLY get it. It wasn’t that long ago that I, at age 30, was having a similar conversation with a parent of mine in which I was screaming, “WHY CAN’T I HAVE WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW?!”
I see you my brave and beautiful love, I see you. I love your curious mind, I love your soul that craves proficiency, I love your adventurous heart. I will love you by cultivating your need for adventure, I will love you by teaching you how to be safe in the midst of danger, I will love you by letting you discover every single safe nook and cranny. You do not understand the explanation I give you right now, but I will still keep you from absolute danger simply because I love you and know that some day you will understand.
With all my love,
Your weary in body, but strong in heart Mama
In my usual fashion, I was thinking about what I wanted to bake to go along with this post and I decided to bake something that I absolutely adore, but feel stretched and perplexed baking… pie. I really hate the phrase “easy as pie.” Pie making comes so easily to some people as I believe parenting comes very naturally for some, but I would not say that pie making (nor parenting) has come easily or naturally to me. Hear me though, I love pies… but making them has proven to take much more practice, patience, and tenacity than I originally thought it needed. I can say the exact same thing about my journey with parenting. So here is a break from the usual cake recipes. This pie turned out exactly how I wanted it to in taste and texture, and I think it would be a perfect addition to a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal. I know this beauty will certainly be adorning my holiday feasts this year, which I am eagerly counting the days down to! Letters and lists of love will keep me strengthened in heart while my body aches, and I hope any tired moms and dads out there are encouraged as well. You are loving your child even if they communicate otherwise to you for not letting them eat trash.
This pie recipe is partially brought to you by the incredible cookbook, Baked: New Frontiers in Baking. This cookbook along with Baked Explorations are my favorite intermediate skill level baking cookbooks. I highly recommend getting them if you are wanting to push yourself in baking and create some DELICIOUS baked goods. Cranberries and vanilla bean are synonymous with holidays to me so I decided to incorporate them in to their classic apple pie recipe for my own spin.
Vanilla Bean Cranberry Apple Pie
Classic Pie Dough
Ingredients:
3 cups All Purpose Flour
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup (2 sticks) cold unsalted butter
2/3 cup ice cold water
In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, sugar, and salt together.
Cut the cold butter into cubes and toss the cubes in the flour mixture to coat. Put the mixture in the bowl of a food processor and pulse in short bursts until pieces of butter are the size of peas.
While pulsing in quick, 4 second, bursts, drizzle the ice water into the food processor through the feeding tube.
As soon as the dough comes together in a ball, remove it from the food processor and divide it into two equal balls. Flatten to a disk and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate the disks until firm, about 1 hour.
Pie Filling:
Ingredients:
1/2 tsp cornstarch
1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
2 tbsp butter
7 medium Granny Smith Apples
2 tsp vanilla bean paste, or 1 whole scraped vanilla bean
1 tsp whiskey
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1 large egg, beaten
Dust a work surface with a sprinkling of flour. Unwrap one of the balls of chilled dough and put it directly on the work surface. Roll out into a circle that is 1/8" thick. Transfer the dough to a pie dish and carefully work it into the pie dish, there should be about a 1 inch overhang from the pie rim, trim the edges to ensure an even rim of dough (I am an extreme visual learner and have found this tutorial to be super helpful when it comes to getting the perfect double pie crust technique). Place in the freezer and chill until firm, about 2 hours.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. In a small bowl, whisk together the cornstarch and the light brown sugar. Peel and core the Granny Smith apples, then cut them into 1/8-inch wedges.
Heat the butter over medium heat in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan. Swirl the saucepan occasionally until the butter begins to brown. As soon as the butter is evenly browned add half of the apple wedges and cook over low heat for 10 minutes or until the apples are softened.
Add the remaining apples and the cornstarch sugar mixture. Mix until the sugar has melted, then add the vanilla, whiskey, cranberries, and cinnamon to the sauce pan and cook for five minutes, or until the filling is bubbly and thick. Do not over cook.
Dust a work surface with a sprinkling of flour. Unwrap the remaining ball of chilled dough and roll out into a round that is 1/8" thick.
Pour the pie filling into the frozen pie crust, and top with the second dough round. Trim the dough, leaving a 1 inch overhang. Crimp the edges together, brush the top with the beaten egg. Cut three steam vents into the top crust. Roll out any dough scraps and use a mini cookie cutter of your choice (I like using this one for fall pies) to cut out pieces to embellish the top of your pie. Place these pieces on top of the pie as desired and egg wash the pieces as well.
Bake the pie until the filling bubbles and the crust is golden brown, about one hour. Cool the pie on a rack for one hour. Serve warm or at room temperature.
