A few months ago I was desperately in need of and looking forward to a nice hot relaxing bath more than I have ever in my life looked forward to one. "Why Charin?" you ask. "Why did you desperately need a long hot luxurious bath?" Well actually I was thrilled to be able to indulge in such a simple activity because my upper body muscles ached like I had never known and my mind and spirit ached about 50 jillion times more. You see, a couple weeks earlier I had undergone one and then a week later another surgery on my neck. I was not able to take a bath or submerge my scar in water for a couple weeks after the last surgery so a soothingly scented bath was a thoroughly and highly anticipated gift to myself. As to why my mind and spirit needed that soothing bath... I had found out that I have Hurthle Cell Carcinoma, a rare and more aggressive type of thyroid cancer than most. Radiation treatment was in my future, and the C word had been handed to me right at the dawn of my thirties. Now, that alone is a lot to work through, but that was like the 14th metaphorical slap in the face that had hit me over the few months prior. I was in an extremely dark place, one of the darkest of my life. Hope was a vague concept and I felt like a trapped child, one that every time she raised her voice to plead for a way out - she was slapped once again.

What I'd love to tell you now (5 months later) is that after undergoing radiation treatment I beat the cancer, that it has been nothing but up since then, that the face slaps stopped at the number 14, but I would be lying. What I can tell you is that the soothing lavender scented bath brought tears streaming down my slapped cheeks, carrying relief and sorrow with them that day. What I can tell you is that there have been many more moments of blissful refreshment like this one and each of them have helped safely convey me through this tempestuous storm. What I can tell you is that the scent of lavender emotes grief, solace, and perseverance to me now. What I can tell you is that I now revel in doing the simplest of happy things because I simply can.

For me, one happy activity is baking, and more specifically, baking cakes. When I say baking cakes please don't misunderstand me, I do not mean the architectural beauties that are usually associated with modern day American cake decorating. Personally I find a lot of joy in chasing after a mystically delicious flavor profile and encasing it in a cake. I've spent many a painful hour agonizing over how to perfectly emulate the iced mint mocha I would drink daily at my first ever job at Mukilteo Coffee Co. I've spent WAY more grueling hours trying to pin down the perfect embodiment of a messy gooey bonfire s'more, the kind that you can't help but giggle over no matter what age you are. Right now in Chicago it is summery, sunshine-y, and full of delightfully promising glimpses of a gorgeous summer after a never-ending harrowing winter. Yesterday I set out to trap that misery-turned-to-joy in a cake. I set out to trap it because it is how I feel this week. I am full of heartache and sadness looking to a future where uncertainty lurks around every corner, but there are moments of bliss and a sense of achievement in the fact that I have persevered this far.

The end of my cancer is nigh, I am quite certain of that, but one of those slaps in the face still plagues me daily and always will in some form or another. It's name is hypoparathyroidism and it is a condition that I developed after the surgeries I went through. I have only experienced this condition for 5 months but I know that my life as I knew it will literally never be the same because of it. The symptoms vary and mostly affect the electrical side of my body, bringing on nervous muscular ticks, twitches, and rigidity. If I get sick the symptoms worsen and can lead to more life threatening side affects if I am not admitted to a hospital. A bout of the stomach flu I had a few months ago gave me a clear picture of this new reality. I have no idea if the future will bring a better remedy or even cure, so I am choosing to bring some hope and joy to my week through chronicling the things that bring me bliss.

Unfortunately, no matter how much I may want it to, baking a cake a week will not cure me and make my endocrinologist go away. However, baking a cake a week will remind me that I am free to partake in blissful moments in the midst of a life storm. A cake a week will give me hope that my past passions can be accomplished in the new life I face. A cake a week will bless the people I love.

My goal for this next season is to bake a cake a week and post the pics and recipes here in the hopes that maybe it will bring some joy to you. On the cakery menu this week is a dark chocolate cake frosted with strawberry buttercream and filled and piped with lavender infused chocolate ganache. The chocolate cake and strawberry buttercream are recipes I have used for years and have them memorized, almost backwards and forwards. The chocolate cake really truly honest to goodness is soft, moist, and dark chocolatey. It took me quite a while to find the perfect recipe but once I did I didn't make a single change because... it was perfection and didn't need it. Same story goes for the strawberry buttercream. As for the ganache, that one I whipped up a bit on the fly this weekend, using my pastry knowledge of infusion and proportions. It turned out nicely, a bit thicker than I had thought it would be (I was planning to pour it over like a glaze), but it was nicely spreadable and still kept its shiny top a day later. I hope you enjoy it as much as my small group at church did and I wish a happy winter turned summer to you all!

Chocolate Cake

Ingredients:

2 cups sugar
1-3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 tablespoon Black Cocoa**
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon kosher salt
2 eggs
1 cup buttermilk
1 cup black coffee
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions:

Heat oven to 350°F. Butter and flour two 9-inch round baking pans. Set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment or in a large bowl with an electric mixer, combine the sugar, flour, cocoa(s), baking soda, baking powder. Mix on low until dry ingredients are thoroughly combined. Mix together the eggs, buttermilk, coffee, oil and vanilla in a separate bowl then slowly incorporate them in to the dry ingredients. Beat on medium speed for about two minutes; the batter will be thin. Pour batter evenly into prepared pans.

Bake in preheated oven for about 35 minutes or until wooden toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks. Cool completely.

*Disclaimer- I do not own this recipe, it is from my collection of tried and true recipes, this recipe is coming to you from My Baking Addiction who adapted it from Hershey's Black Magic Cake.
**I have found this product at my local Sur la Table or I have bought it online via King Arthur Flour's website

Once your cakes are in the oven you can feel free to wash dishes in preparation for these next steps. Once done with that go ahead and infuse your heavy whipping cream.

Lavender Infused Chocolate Ganache

Ingredients:

1 cup heavy whipping cream (plus scant tablespoon if needed)
2 tablespoons dried lavender*
9 oz high quality semisweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon corn syrup

Directions:

Place the lavender with the heavy cream in a medium saucepan and bring to a simmer on medium heat. Pour the mixture in to a heat proof bowl and place saran wrap on top of the mixture so that it directly covers the surface. (This is to avoid a skin forming on the top) Let cool to room temperature.

With a tea strainer, strain the cream in to a liquid measuring cup, pressing the final amount of cream out of the lavender at the end. If necessary add more cream to bring the total amount of cream to 1 cup.

Place chocolate in a medium size heatproof bowl. Bring the infused cream and corn syrup just to a simmer in a small saucepan over medium heat; pour mixture over chocolate. Let stand, without stirring, until chocolate just begins to melt (about 45 seconds). With a whisk, and starting at the center of the bowl, whisk in a small circular motion clockwise increasing the size of your circle until the ganache is 75% incorporated then start whisking counter-clockwise just until the ganache is silky and fully mixed together. do not over mix or you'll be sorry :)

*If you don't know where to find dried lavender and you live in Chicago, take a trip to The Spice House. If you haven't been there already, you won't regret taking the trek over to Old Town to peruse this lovely and quaint shop. Be forewarned though, you may leave with WAY more than that lavender. If you don't live in Chicago, guess what? They ship their products nationwide!

While your cakes and cream cool make the strawberry buttercream. A tip, really do watch it at the end while adding that strawberry puree, add it slowly and with a lot of patience or else you'll have a lumpy gooey mess on your hands, believe me I know!

Strawberry Buttercream

Ingredients:

4 large egg whites, room temperature
1 1/4 cups sugar
3/4 pound (3 sticks) unsalted butter, softened and cut in to cubes
1 1/2 cups plus 1 tbsp fresh strawberries, pureed

Directions:

Place whites and sugar in a heatproof bowl set over a pot of simmering water. Whisk until sugar dissolves and mixture registers 160 degrees on a candy thermometer.

Remove from heat, and pour mixture in to a stand mixer. Whisk on medium-high speed until the mixture has cooled and stiff, glossy peaks have formed. Reduce speed to medium, and add butter, 1 piece at a time, whisking well after each addition

With mixer on low, slowly add strawberry puree, about a 1/4-1/2 cup at a time, mixing thoroughly with each addition, beat until smooth, about 3 to 5 minutes.

*Disclaimer- I do not own this recipe, it is from my collection of tried and true recipes, this little number has been adapted from Martha Stewart's Fresh Strawberry Buttercream recipe.

Set your buttercream aside and finish off the ganache, then move on to this next part.

Assembly:

Level your cake layers (New to leveling cake layers? Here's a great tutorial!). Place one cake layer on to a cake plate or disposable cake round. Heap about 2/3 of the ganache on to the cake layer and spread evenly- try not to let too much spill over the sides. Place the second cake layer on top and set in the fridge until the chocolate is just set, cool and does not stick when touched. Place the remaining ganache in to a piping bag fitted with the tip of your choice (I used a 10mm french tip). Place some strawberry buttercream in a piping bag fitted with the tip of your choice (I used an 11mm round tip). Frost the cake with the strawberry buttercream (new to frosting a cake? Here's a great tutorial! Just make sure to give yourself a LOT of grace because it takes months of continual practice to get that infuriating skill down). Pipe the buttercream along the bottom border. Pipe the ganache along the top edge border. Sprinkle lavender in the middle. Slice and devour!

And now for a real life photo of how this cake was devoured...